Bubblegum Brat
by Pignite
Summary: Lana Thorn is racist, homophobic, and xenophobic. She's prejudiced against the poor, the ugly, the disabled, the middle-class, and pretty much anyone who isn't her. She's also the girl who's going to save the world.
1. Chapter 1: Lana's Arrival

_**A/N: For the record, I don't share the same world views as Lana. Hell, I fit into some of the categories as Lana hates. And this isn't supposed to be social or political commentary, just a fun little story. This story is bound to offend, and you'll have to have a good sense of humor about it, if you want to enjoy the story.**_

 _ **I want to use this story to explore Lana's character. Where she came from, what motivates her, what her goals are. I feel that you can grow to love her over time, if you don't love her immediately.**_

* * *

She was blonde. She was skinny. She was rich. She was a little bit of a bitch. She was Lana Thorn, of the Kalos Thorns. And she was everything.

Lana Thorn was world-class. She had traveled to Unova, to Kanto, to Alola. She was born and raised in Kalos, so you just knew that she was trendy and relevant. Would you expect less from a model, author, animation creator, and heiress?

But you probably knew all this. _Everybody_ knows about Lana Thorn. Even the poors of some third-world backwater countries knew about her. Though to be fair, she also made sure to send her merch to all those starving kids to make sure they knew of her. (The kids who lived to see adulthood would go on to tell others of her legend, of the White Devil.)

Naturally, when Lana came to the Hano Grand Resort, the media was all over it. It helped that she sent anonymous tips about it to evry major news source, including the ones she hated. And pretty soon, everybody knew exactly where she was at all times.

You're probably wondering, why would Lana come to Alola? Surely she wouldn't step foot in a region where white* people made up less than 98% of the population? Where beautiful sun, surf and sand was open to the public, and not an exclusive right for the bourgeoisie?

First off, it was a sad fact that white* people did not make up such a majority of regions. She had hoped that Unova, the land of fat pigs, would have the sense to use Black City as a place to segregate their whites from their colors, but no.

* Rich, Kalos people white, not the other whites. Lana didn't like those, either.

Lana was here for business. Not for modeling, but for personal business. She was on the phone now, speaking to a representative of the Aether Foundation.

Lana sat on her bed, in her hotel room. Her actual bed; she had gotten rid of the hotel's bed, and replaced it with one of her own. Can't expect her to sit in a bed where other, less rich people sat, of course.

"Lusamine can't speak at the moment," said the woman on the other end. "I sincerely apologize."

"Don't you know who I am?!" Lana scoffed.

"Y-yes I do, Miss Thorn," the woman responded, a little nervously. "I can certainly pass along a message-"

" _Lana Thorn_ doesn't do messages. I speak to people directly, or not at all. You're fucking lucky to be graced with my voice, you underpaid wageslave."

The woman on the other end paused for a moment. She chose not to respond to this. Which, as you know, was _not_ something you do to Lana Thorn.

"Get Lusamine on the phone!" Lana snapped.

"Lusamine's on business in Kanto. She's unavailable right now. Is there anything else I can do for you."

"Yes," Lana said to her. "You should consider suicide."

"... I'm sorry?"

"Like, I'm not telling you to kill yourself. I just think you should consider how much better the world would be without you. And believe me, it would be _a lot_ better."

Lana looked at her perfectly manicured nails, smiling as she heard the whispers of panic on the other end. The wageslave was trying desperately to regain her composure and be civil, while Lana got to treat her however she saw fit. It was great. Bullying employees desperately trying to keep their jobs was great.

"Thank you for your time, Miss Thorn," the woman finally said. "I'll try and have Miss Lusamine call you as soon as she can."

"Yeah, that's what you're payed for," Lana responded. "Duh, you fucking idiot."

"Goodbye."

"Bye! And consider my advice to you. I think it could help a lot of people."

The woman on the end hung up. She hung on on _Lana Thorn_. Instantly overcome with rage, Lana threw her phone across the room. She watched, satisfied, as the phone broke into pieces as it crashed against the wall.

So, Losermine wasn't any help. But Lana had other ideas. She was going to enact her master plan, with or without the Aether Foundation's help.

What was Lana's master plan, exactly? And where did Lusamine and the Aether Foundation fit in? To find out the answer, check out _Chapter 2: Lana and the Lanas_.

Or continue reading this chapter.

* * *

Route 2, Melemele Island

Lana was pretty sure that Melemele was the ghetto island. Akala Island wasn't exactly high-class either, but this place reeked of poorness, tourism, and the worst evil of all, diversity. She hated being here, almost as much as she hated that backwater hillbilly region of Kanto.

But once again, she was here on business. Not _the_ business, the plan she had been working on. This was more of a spur-of-the-moment deal, brought on by the mistreatment she had suffered at the hands of the Aether Foundation earlier that day. When Aether proved to be unhelpful, Lana was mad. She wanted to get revenge on them, to teach them their place in life. You do _not fail_ Lana Thorn like that. They had to pay.

She was now standing in front of an old, weathered house. A house that was owned by the parents of one of Alola's most infamous villains. Where said villain currently resided, according to rumors.

Lana didn't knock on the door. That was beneath her. Instead, she kicked at the door with her white-pink stiletto, letting her heel stab into the door and leave some marks. She considered this a gift; now these peasants could tell all their peasant friends how Lana Thorn came to their house.

The door opened after the seventh kick. A tall, white-haired man in dark, baggy clothes opened the door. He stared down at Lana with fierce, annoyed, and exhausted eyes.

"What do you want?" he asked her.

"Are you Guzma?" she asked.

"Who wants to know?" he responded.

"See, I think you're Guzma. You look uneducated and poverty-stricken, which would make you perfect for leading a gang."

Guzma's brow furrowed. He put his hands on his hips and brought his face closer to hers. Lana took a step back; not because she was intimidated, but because she wanted to regain some personal space.

"Want to try that again?" he asked her. "Because that talk gets you a beat-down from Big, Bad Guzma."

"Perfect!" Lana exclaimed. She clasped her hands together.

"What do you want, chick?"

"I want to hire Team Skull for something. I figured they'd be perfect for the job I had in mind."

"What job? Who are you? What are you even talking about?"

"I want you to break into the Aether Foundation. Just destroy everything you can find there. Wreak havoc, end lives, burn what you must. Just make them hurt."

"And why would I do that?" Guzma scoffed.

"I have _a lot_ of money to offer in return."

"But Aether helps all those Pokemon and stuff. I ain't gonna harm any more innocent Pokemon."

Lana sighed. It looked like this _stupid fucking idiot_ dared to question the offer of a lot of money. She knew Guzma would be stupid, but not stupid enough to understand just how fast the Thorn fortune was.

"Let me break it down for you," she told him. "Your team is likely comprised of lower-class inbreds with violent tendencies, who would pray on innocent rich people out of jealously. I want to use their instincts to target Aether. In exchange, your little troupe of trailer trash will get all the money you want, so you can buy... _snapbacks_ , or something. Whatever you people like."

Guzma looked furious. He looked like a Typhlosion that was about to use Eruption. The red faced man was breathing heavily, raising his fist in the air.

And then he took a step backward, through the door frame, and slammed the door shut.

"... Hello?" Lana asked. "Hello?"

No answer.

"HELL- _FUCKING_ \- O?!" she screamed.

Again, no answer. In fact, she could hear the sound of heavy footsteps, moving away from the door.

Okay, new plan. Forget Aether and her master plan. Her next plan of action was to set Guzma's house on fire.

Lana was a menace. She was evil. She was irredeemable. She was a monster who cared only about herself. She was unpleasant in every aspect of life, outside of her looks.

And she was going to be a hero one day. Whether she liked it or not.


	2. Chapter 2: Lana and the Lanas

The master plan was on hold until Lana could get revenge on the Aether Foundation. Revenge on Aether was also on hold, because Guzma's retribution was at hand.

This was becoming too much to think about, and Lana was too rich to think. She had people to think for her. And who better to think for her than the Lanas?

Yes, the Lanas. They were Lana's closest minions. They were stripped of their names and turned into Lanas, and were granted privleges and freedoms non-Lanas could only dream of. They would all answer to Lana herself, but commanded everyone else.

Lana had called her Lanas. They had all traveled from Unova within half an hour; time, money and distance or not, they knew that _no one_ should keep Lana waiting, or else.

And now, Lana stood on Route 2, looking over her six Lanas. They were all neatly organized in a row, waiting for Lana Prime's orders. They all wore pink ensembles, all wearing fashionable clothes that costed as much as a small country.

They could have easily used that money to pull half a dozen countries out of debt, but then they wouldn't be as fashionable. And when you're a Lana, you have a certain standard to uphold.

Lana looked over the Lanas. Each of them had various expressions: Lanas 2, 5 and 6 all smiled nervously, while Lana 3 looked worried and confused. Lana 4 just looked bored.

"I'm sure you know why I called you all here today," Lana said to them.

"Nope," Lana 2 responded. "You didn't tell us."

Lana pinched the bridge of her nose. _Fucking_ Lana 2, always having something smart to say. Or something stupid. The fucking _bitch_.

Lana 2, the first one to be recruited into the Lanas. Formerly known as Rocelle, she was a girl with gray skin and pink hair. Very odd, very unfitting for a Lana. But since she always provided Lana with rich diamonds at a moment's notice, Lana kept her around. It was good to have another rich person around, should you need back-up.

"That's not my problem!" Lana barked. "It's not my fault you came unprepared!"

"S-sorry," Lana 2 responded, rather solemnly. "But you don't need to be so mean about it; we're friends."

" _Eeeehhhh_..." Lana mumbled.

She looked over to Lana 3, formerly known as Tesla. Poor, simple Lana 3. Cyan hair, pale skin, a pink hoodie, and a permanent scowl. They didn't make for the best of friends, but everyone needs a dumpy friend to make them look better. Lana 3 was their charity case.

"You going to say anything?" Lana asked them. "Or are you just going stand there, like a slack-jawed idiot?"

"I..."

"I don't want to hear it!"

Lana 3 didn't say anything. So with 3 covered, Lana moved on to Lana 4.

Lana 4 (aka Debbie) was an odd one out. She was a Lopunny that was passed her prime, and quite the chain smoker. And while Lana didn't agree to giving Pokemon the same rights as humans, she added her onto the crew to make a statement: Lana saw Pokemon as higher beings, compared to the poor, non-whites, and _especially_ Dark type specialists.

Naturally, Lana 4 didn't say anything. Instead, she took a long, drawn-out puff from her cigarette.

There was also Lanas 5 and 6, two conventionally attractive white blondes. But they weren't important, so they didn't get any acknowledgment from Lana. For all intents and purposes, they were there to round out the numbers and make a squad.

Lana sighed. "Since you hussies didn't think this through, the job once again falls upon me to explain it."

"Thank you, Lana," the girls said in unison. They sounded quite rehearsed.

"Today, we are going to burn down Guzma's parents' house. Guzma has crossed a line with the Lanas, and so he must pay. He must see his world burn, so he understands how he has ignited by burning hatred. He must watch as everything he has cared about - his home, his memories, his family, his _prized possessions_ \- is taken from him. Any questions?"

Lana 3 raised their hand.

"What?" Lana asked.

"Wouldn't we get in trouble with the law?" they asked. "What if we accidentally kill somebody?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Okay."

5 raised their hand. "Why are we doing this ourselves? Couldn't we just pay someone else to do it?"

"For once, you ask a good question!" Lana responded. "I have elected not to hire anyone, because I want this to be personally done by me. And by that, I mean you guys. I'm not going to do anything; I'll watch while you guys do it."

"Okay."

Lana clasped her hands together. "That was productive. Women, girls, Lana 3. Let's go burn down a house!"

The Lanas cheered their leader on. Applause, calls, thumb's up. All of these were showered upon Lana Prime. And all of them were cheering, except for Lana 2.

"Why are we burning down a house during _the day_?" she asked. "That's pretty whack, yo."

"Now's not the time for asking questions!" Lana snapped. "You should have asked that earlier, when I was taking questions."

"I'm sorry, Lana, ma'am."

Their talk was interrupted by the sound of cars and tears.

The girls (and Lana 3) watched from their hill. One by one, cars slowly passed through the lane. A long, black hearse lead the cavalcade, was soon followed by cars of various types.

"What the hell?" asked an annoyed Lana 5. "Why are they interrupting our meeting?"

"Must be the proletariats protesting us again," Lana 2 replied.

"Don't be an idiot, idiot," Lana responded. "The proletariats are too poor to afford cars. I made sure of that."

"Whatever they are, there sure are a lot of cars."

Lana punched the bridge of her nose again. "Yeah, you're right. It could take, like, hours before this stupid little parade finishes. And by then, who knows if I'll be in the mood to watch a house-burning?"

"This is terrible!" 5 exclaimed. "Should we bomb the cars?"

"No, that would just hold up the traffic. I have a better idea."

Lana pulled a pair of pink _Fucci_ sunglasses from her white _Verspace_ dress coat, which was underneath her pink _Hairmani_ luxury outdoor dress poncho-slash-feather boa. She pulled the glasses over her beautiful green eyes, then coolly looked down upon the cars below her.

"Lana 6! Follow the funeral and find out where they're burying the body," Lana instructed. "The rest of us will go into town, buy some crack, and then distribute it amongst the lower-class and frame them for drug use. Then, we will convene at the graveyard."

"We don't need to distribute drugs!" Lana 2 said. "Most of the lower-class are _already_ brain-dead drug addicts."

"That would explain their bad teeth!" 5 cackled.

The Lanas, aside from 3 and 4, had a good laugh at this. Nothing like insulting other people to lighten the mood. And if Lana wasn't filled with all the hatred and bitterness of the world, she would have given up revenge to keep joking around with her "friends."

But no, she had a job to do. And when Lana raised her hand, all the other Lanas knew to quiet down and listen.

"Tonight," Lana told them. "We're going grave-robbing."

Revenge on Guzma had to wait. Now, Lana had an even bigger enemy: the dead.

* * *

Night fell, but the Lanas and their plans rose to action. They had gathered at Hau'oli Cemetery. Now standing before the gravestone of the man who had crossed them, the girls were ready to enact their next plan for vengeance.

"Women, girls," Lana said to her women and girls. "This man had the _audacity_ to hold up our plans, by having his funeral on the day that we would take our revenge."

The Lanas nodded their heads. They all knew that this man's thoughtlessness was his own undoing. Except Lana 4, who was too busy smoking and coughing to focus on her surroundings.

"Since he held up our journey, we will hold up _his_!" Lana shouted. "We will dig up his body and throw it into the ocean. In doing so, his soul will be doomed to a watery grave, from which it cannot escape and go into the afterlife."

Lana looked away from the grave to focus on the girls. At once, all of the girls saluted their leader.

"Lanas, get your designer grave-robbing shovels ready."

The girls all raised their designer grave-robbing shovels. Although such an accessory was a necessity for the rich, they were hard to come by in Alola. But luckily, Lana was able to order them from Kalos, and have them teleported to them via Alakazam. (Alakazam owned by white people, of course - wouldn't want those thieving gypsies to try and skip a little gold plating off the top.)

"You know, I never thought that we would rob a grave," Lana 3 mused.

"I did, to be honest," Lana 2 responded.

"Same," Lana added. "I just figured it would be when we found a way to go back in time, and I would bury Hitler alive before taking over the regime."

"You'll do it one day, Lana. Don't worry."

"Thank you for believing in me. Not that it's _hard_ to believe in me, of course."

"Someone's here," Lana 3 interrupted. They pointed towards something across the graveyard.

The girls all turned to see where 3 was pointing. There, they could see the a figure in the darkness. The moon shone down on them, displaying a Machamp that was holding a woman in two of its arms. Obnoxiously, the Pokemon was letting out loud, elongated, sad moans.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Lana sighed. "Fucking homeless probably interrupting our plans again."

Lana dropped her shovel to the ground, then marched on over towards them. She stomped her foot into the ground with every step, so the earth itself would feel pain. Unfortunately though, the grass muffled any sort of sound her steps would make, thus taking away from the dramatic effect.

As Lana approached them, the woman and her Pokemon turned to greet her. They looked at her with warm smiles, oblivious to the horror they would soon experience.

"Excuse me," Lana said to them. "What are you doing here?"

"This is my husband's grave," the woman said softly. "And this silly one here was his Pokemon. I'm sorry if we interrupted you."

The Machamp let out another moan. Now that Lana was closer to the scene, she could make out the tears that ran down the Pokemon's face. She was now able to understand why the Machamp was making noise.

"What happened to your husband?" Lana asked the woman.

"It was... an accident," the woman said. "But my husband send Machamp back into its ball at the moment of the crash. Machamp survived, but my husband..."

Lana raised a finger to silence the woman.

"It wasn't an accident," Lana informed her.

The woman's eyes widened. "Pardon me?"

"I think he probably crashed on purpose, to kill himself."

The Machamp let out a soft, but very deep growl. Its two free fists started to clench, and it took a step away from Lana.

Lana, not impressed by this threatening stance, simply crossed her arms. "He probably killed himself to get away from you two. A Machamp that whines all the time, and a rambling woman who's obnoxiously making the whole night about _**herself and her stupid problems**_!"

The Machamp let out a roar this time. It pulled back its free fists, ready to strike down Lana.

But the woman raised her hands. Machamp looked down at her, then looked back to Lana. It let out a snort, then slowly lowered its fists. All while watching Lana with furious eyes.

"Young lady-" the woman said.

"No, _you_ young lady!" Lana snapped. "I just came out here to dig up a corpse with my friends. But _you two_ had to interrupt us with your _bitching_!"

"How dare-"

"No, how dare _you_! Get out of here, before I dump your stupid body in the ground, next to your rotting husband, you wrinkly old slag?!"

And that was when Lana heard the sound of police sirens in the distance.


	3. Chapter 3: Life is Ruff

Last night was a bust. The police had interrupted their grave-robbing/revenge, and they were forced to flee the scene before the police would find them. The poor Lanas barley had time to push the woman and her Machamp into an open grave, before having to flee the scene.

The plan for revenge this time involved explosives. It would be too hard to just plant a bob at the police force; they were trained in defusing such things. But Lana wanted to have a Roggenrola walk in without suspicion, then go Alola Akbar on their asses.

And it is at this point in the story that one must know one thing about Lana: she was a monster in human form. She cared not about the suffering of others, but only her own agenda.

The six Lanas all sat in Lana's hotel room, contemplating their next plan of action. Lana sat on her bed with a phone to her ear, while the Lanas all sat on the floor before her.

Lana lowered the phone away from her ear. Then, she cast it forward and watched it smash against the wall. Once again, her phone was reduced to a mess of parts, rendering it useless.

 _"Those freaking smegma-drinking sluts!"_ she cried.

"What is it, hunty?" Lana 2 asked her. "You couldn't get the Roggenrola delivered?"

"Yeah, _no shit_ , Sherlock," Lana scoffed. "It turns out that, just because I used their Pokemon to destroy the Battle Royal dome a few months ago, suddenly I'm not responsible to buy them. _With my own money_."

"For what it's worth, you did Alola a favor," Lana 3 responded. "Everyone hates Battle Royal."

"Mmm-hmm!" Lana 2 said, nodding. "And no one was inside it at the time, so it's not like you killed anyone."

"Yet."

"One day, though."

"No matter," Lana said out loud. "I issued an air raid on their warehouses, so we don't have to worry about them for a while. What we need to worry about is getting a Roggenrola and teaching it to blow up."

Lana 5 raised her hand. "What if they track the Pokemon to us?"

"They wouldn't find us out," Lana 2 informed her. "We're not Muslims; they wouldn't have any reason to suspect us."

"Wrong," Lana responded. "People are too afraid to do anything about Muslims blowing people up, because have have to be _sensitive_. Gag."

"Oh."

"So we'll just frame a black guy, and the media will just grill the police so bad, they can't do any work."

"What a genius plan!" Lana 2 exclaimed.

"So genius!" Lana 5 agreed.

"I watch the news and listen to my step-mom when she gets wasted," Lana explained. "I know how the world works."

Lanas 2-6 reflected fondly on Lana's step-mother, Marian. A redheaded woman whose natural beauty had long faded away, but was kept looking pristine through face-lifts and bathing in Solosis placenta.

Oddly enough, now that they thought about it, none of the non-Prime Lanas could remember a time where Marian was able to talk about her views of the world. Since she was in a constant state of inebriation, most of her discussions with them involved her slurring about her home's decor.

To some of the Lanas, Marian was a role model. She married rich and never had to work for the rest of her life, and got to spend her days doing whatever she pleased. She was their goal. #goal

Lana clasped her hands together and said, "So while we were shopping, I overheard some pissant locals saying that there's a cave on Melemele Island, and it has Roggenrola in it! Can you guys tell what we're going to do next?"

Lana 2 raised her hand. "Go to Melemele and smack the pissants for talking too loud."

"A good idea, but no. We're going to that stupid cave to catch a Roggenrola."

* * *

That Stupid Cave, Melemele Island

The girls arrived on Melemele Island in the afternoon, having first taken the morning to enjoy their morning mimosas and research North Korea. Because Lana wanted to make sure that she had the best insults for Asians, while subtly implying that they were all interchangeable. Because it wasn't enough to just insult somebody; your words needed to have multiple layers, so they could cut even deeper.

Unfortunately, traversing Ten Carat Hill had proven to be useless. They weren't able to find any Roggenrola except one. But it was shiny, which infuriated Lana. How dare it try to rise above its place and be stylish? Was it trying to mock her, say that it looked better than her? She just had to make it faint with extreme prejudice.

Now, the six girls stood before an empty field. A field that rested just beyond the caves, and was hidden from the rest of the world by mountainous wall. It was desolate and empty, aside from the few patches of grass within the area.

Lana patted the head of her Swadloon, which rested in her arms. This was one of her Pokemon. Named Lanana, Lana hadn't been able to make it evolve, despite her best efforts at pampering it.

The girls waited, and waited. Waited for any sign of life, of a Roggenrola to appear before them. To sense their demands and come before them, like the rest of the world did.

The sound of rustling in the tall grass. The sight of shaking grass. A Pokemon was nearby!

Lana quickly jumped at attention. She ran towards the grass, while the Lanas followed suit. (2 and 3 were, of course flanking Lana, in case Lana needed quick human shields.) The girls all looked at the grass expectantly, waiting for the Pokemon.

The grass parted to reveal a Rockruff. The dog Pokemon smiled and panted before them. It wagged its tail furiously, and it seemed just about ready to jump up and play.

Lana 2 knelt down. She held out her hand to the Pokemon. The Rockruff immediately ran over and started to lick her hand.

"It's so cute!" she exclaimed. "Maybe I should catch it."

Lana scoffed. "Ew, hell no! We Lanas have a standard to uphold."

"But this guy's so cute!" Lana 2 pleaded. "What's wrong with him?"

Lana rolled her eyes. "Are you even going to clean up after it?"

"That's what the butlers are for. You even said that we should never clean up our waste."

"In fact," 3 interrupted. "You said that when we littered or made waste, we had to call in those specialists to cover it up with more extravagant and stylish litter or waste."

"You can't have him!" Lana barked. "Wild Pokemon are unkempt and filthy. And I will _not_ have my beloved Pokemon associate with Pokemon that are beneath their stature."

"Come _on_ , Lana!" 2 pressed on. "I know how to take care of Pokemon!"

Lana's eyes narrowed. She looked down at Lana 2 with a cold, scary look. Even Rockruff, who wasn't familiar with her, could feel the danger in the air.

Lana turned around and started to take some steps back. Everyone looked to her in silence, waiting for her response.

Finally, she gave one. "You can keep it..."

A sigh of relief came from every one of the Lanas. An enormous smile grew on Lana 2's face. She immediately started to rub her new friend's neck fluff.

"... if you can find it!"

Lana turned around and started running towards the scene. The girls watched her as she came up to Lana 2 and the Rockruff. Though the other Lanas knew what horrible thing was coming, poor Rocelle was focused entirely on playing with her Rockruff.

And when Lana kicked the Pokemon across the field, Lana 2 retrained her focus on watching the Pokemon fly through the air, listening to it yelp.

Lana 2's hands were shaking. Tears started to blur her vision. She looked up to Lana and mouthed... something. Honestly, she was unable to find the words to say how she felt. It was like the wind was kicked out of her. No pun intended.

Lana 2 could feel hands on her shoulders. She lifted her head up to see Lanas 3 and 4. The two of them looked down at her, sympathy and pity on their faces.

Lanas 5 and 6, meanwhile, were all over Lana Prime. Lana 5 was on the ground, cleaning Lana's designer shoe with one of her own silk handkerchiefs. Lana 6 had produced a steaming hot cup of coffee from her purse, offering it to her leader.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that traumatic experience!" 5 cried out.

"I know, right?" Lana said in-between sips. "I'm not built for running; I'm not black."

"You are definitely _not_ black."

"Thank you."

Lanas 3 and 4 put Lana 2's hands in theirs, then lifted her up. Lana 2 was soon on her feet, though her heart had sunk to the ground.

She shot Lana a deathly glare. One that showed just how deep her anger was right now. She marched right over to Lana with the intent to fight.

"Lana, how c-" she began.

Immediately, Lana was on the offensive. She threw her coffee down (onto 5's head) and stomped her foot onto the ground.

"DAMN IT, LANA 2!" she screeched. "HOW DARE YOU DISSENT?! HOW DARE YOU STEP OUT OF LINE?!"

"You're a freakin' mons-"

"SHUT THE HELL UP, LANA 2!"

Lanas screaming was much louder now. Her voice was echoing through the field. Pokemon could be heard in the rustling grass, fleeing the area.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THIS HAS HURT ME?!" Lana continued. "I HAD TO RUN! I HAD TO KICK, LIKE I'M SOME INDIAN GIRL WHO WHO DESPERATELY WANTS TO PLAY SOCCER, BUT CAN'T BECAUSE HER STRICT PARENTS WON'T LET HER! YOU THINK _YOU_ HAD A HARD TIME WITH THIS? WELL, TOUCH FUCKING SHIT, BECAUSE _**THINK ABOUT HOW I FEEL!**_ "

The sound of Lana's last words echoed through the field. By now, all the wild Pokemon had fled, so when the echoes faded way, there was nothing left but deathly silence.

Lana and Lana 2 stood before each other. Both of them were breathing heavily, looking ready to kill the other. Lana 2 had her fists raised, while Lana Prime slowly massaged the top of her Swadloon's head.

The other girls started to back away from the scene. Or crawl away, in Lana 5's case. Lanas 5 and 6 took to hiding behind Lana, while Lanas 3 and 4 stood behind Lana 2... though they did step a few feet back to keep away from any fallout.

Before anyone could make a move, they were interrupted by the feeling of the earth shaking. The ground below them started to groan and wobble. Small cracks started to form between them.

The rumbling grew louder, behind Lana. The girls all turned to look down the field.

"What is it _now_?" Lana scoffed.

"This ain't good," groaned Lana 3.

The girls watched as chunks of dirt rose up from the field. Three enormously large, sharp, pitch-black stones stabbed their way out from the ground. They wiggled through the chunks and rock, slowly rising to the sky.

As more and more of the stones were unveiled, the girls were finally able to understand what they were looking at. It was a hand. An enormous, scary-looking hand.

More and more of the creature started to appear: spikes, angles, arms, shoulders, a head, a face... A face that stared directly at the girls.

It didn't look happy.

Lana didn't know it yet, but this was the start of her path to heroism. The events of that day would eventually lead to one of her greatest journeys, her rise to power, and her saving countless lives. And it all started with this mysterious Pokemon.


	4. Chapter 4: Necrozma Rising

Lana hated many things: brown people, black people, Unovans, non-Kalosian white people, people who specialized in Dark or Fighting Pokemon, weeaboos... Pretty much everyone that wasn't her or her Pokemon, honestly. And wouldn't you know it? Ugly, lumpy, bland legendaries were near the top of her list. (Right above college athletes, but below biracial white-Hispanics, which she called "the Chipotle of people.")

Of course, the gigantic monster before her was going to hear about it... About her dislike of ugly, lumpy, bland legendaries, not about the other stuff.

Lana pointed a flawlessly-manicured finger at the beast. "You stupid, ugly fucker! I'm talking to you, obsidian dipshit!"

Lana 3 grabbed the bottom of their shirt, holding it tight. They walked ever so slowly towards Lana, though kept their eyes on Necrozma.

"L-Lana, ma'am..." 3 said nervously. "Maybe we shouldn't antagonize something that's big enough to squash us."

"Opinion noted and ignored," Lana responded. "I'm not letting a retarded rock golem intimidate me. I'm _Lana Thorn_ , one of the richest people alive."

Now, back to the retarded rock golem. "Hear that, you malformed Diancie? You don't scare me. So just back off, pack your dirty ass back into the ground, and don't ever come near me, or my Pokemon, _or_ my minions again!"

Necrozma stared down at her. Its expression remained unchanged. But anyone who wasn't a complete sociopath could sense the growing tension in the air, the feel of anger. Fury that boiled over the Lanas, filling them with dread for the inevitable.

Except Lana, who was completely oblivious, and the now-heavily inebriated and jaded Lana 4.

Lana turned to Lana 2. "See this fucking rock idiot? Too fucking dumb to respond! I should have known better than to think that this creature had any intelligent thought."

As Lana spoke, Lana 3 slowly rose their hand up. "Um... Maybe Rocelle can talk to the monster?"

"Who's Rocelle?" Lana asked curiously.

"My name, before I became Lana 2," Lana 2 explained.

"Ah."

Lana 2 brought a finger to her chin. "But I can't talk to this thing. Why would you think I could?"

"Because..." Lana 3 said. "I mean... You're both-"

"Black?" Lana 2 said scornfully.

"N-no, not at all!" Lana 3 pleaded. "And-and you're more gray than-"

Lana 2 lifted up her fists. "Bitch, I'll maul you if you keep talking."

3 quickly took a step back and kept their head down. Once again, they were reminded why they didn't want to make waves amongst the group.

They could hear a rumble. Turning back to the monster in black, the Lanas could see its face illuminated. To answer this, Lana raised up her right hand, showing off a specific finger to the creature.

And that was when Necrozma fired a stream of light at her.

Lana was unable to move. She was left still, like a Deerling caught in the headlights, just watching as the light enveloped her vision.

She nearly blacked out for a moment. She could feel herself falling down. And then she could feel pain.

Someone called out her name.

Lana she could hear the sound of an explosion. The sound of rocks tumbling down in the distance. She could hear the sound of screaming.

Her eyes opened. Lana 2 was on top of her, looking down at her. Her hands, on Lana's shoulders, were shaking violently.

"L-Lana...!" she wheezed.

Lana furrowed her brow. "What the fuck, Lana 2?! Why did you knock me down?"

Lana 3 appeared from behind Rocelle. Lana 2 took their hand, and she was helped up by her friend.

Now standing, Lana 2 looked down to her master. "I couldn't let you get killed, Lana!"

Lana rolled her eyes. "Please, Lana 2. Spare me your pithy excuses."

"Hey, listen-"

"Don't you tell me what to do, you second-rate prostitute!"

Lana 2 looked down at Lana. But instead of being angry, she looked down in sympathy and remorse. She bent her knees and extended a hand to her friend.

"Look, I'm sorry we fought, Lana," she said quickly.

Lana looked to the hand. This girl dared to try and touch Lana Thorn? The girl who had every skin cell on her body ensured? Hell no.

She looked back up to Lana 2, who was looking anxious. Her eyes drifted over to the wild Pokemon, who Lana could see in the corner of her own eyes.

"We're friends, right?" Lana 2 said. "Mayb- Maybe we can work this out, okay? _After_ we run away, I mean."

Lana looked to the hand again. She raised up her own hand and slapped it away.

She rolled onto her knees, then forced herself onto her feet. She moved her eyes away from Necrozma and onto the other Lanas and Lanana, her Swadloon.

She looked beyond them; could see a part of the rocky walls that surrounded them; a new hole had been made, revealing the inside of Ten Carat Hill.

Lana turned her head to Necrozma. "Hey! Hey, stupid monster!"

Necrozma's body turned to Lana. For a moment, it chose not to move or attack. It stood there, as if it was waiting for Lana's response.

Lana pointed up to Lana 2. "She fucking tackled me, like the greasy animal she is! If you'd be so kind enough to kill this beast?"

Necrozma looked down at the woman. And for a moment, it stayed silent. Its expression, as strange as it was, still conveyed a feeling of pain and anger.

Lana, of course, was oblivious to this.

After a moment of silence, Necrozma's face started to glow once more. This time, its light was a deep, dark red.

Lana looked to her team. "Lanana, get ready to use Protect."

The Swadloon looked right back at her. Its eyes were cold and unfeeling, and it stayed in its place.

"Lanana, come on," Lana insisted. "Use Protect."

Again, the Pokemon did nothing. It stayed firmly in place and refused to budge.

It was not a great time to ignore the enormous Pokemon behind them. But a furious Lana turned her back to Necrozma and stepped towards her Pokemon.

"Lanana, why aren't you listening?" she questioned. "It's me, Lana!"

Lana 2 walked behind her master, watching her from other her shoulder. She said to her, "Maybe Lanana's tired. I don't think we should put her in danger, queen."

The other Lanas had their own reactions: Lana 3 kept their eyes on Necrozma while they started to take a step back, inching towards the exit. Lana 4 simply took a long, long drag from her cigarette while she watched Lana Prime. Lanas 5 and 6 didn't matter because they were just extras.

Lana held out her arms to her Pokemon. "Sweetie, listen to Lana. You need to use Protect before that thing kills me."

The Pokemon refused to respond. Even as Lana knelt down and scooped her up into her arms, Lana chose not to obey.

Lana let out a sigh, then turned to back to Necrozma. Was its face _still_ glowing?

Actually, yes it was. Now Necrozma's entire head was enveloped with red light. That... that probably wasn't good.

Lana rolled her eyes. "Just like an Alolan Pokemon to be so fucking slow at attacking. Jesus Christ, this region sucks."

" _That's_ what you got from this?" Lana 5 questioned. "Not the fact that we're going to die?"

"I also got that you need to stop choking on some dicks and do something useful, 5."

Necrozma let out a loud, bellowing cry. It was not like an animal's roar, but like pieces of metal clashing against each other. It was loud, echoing through the meadow like the sound of thunder.

And, as if to answer its cries, lighting fell down from the sky, hitting the Pokemon directly on its head. The light of electricity the electricity completely overtook the red glow, and it exploded into sparks that ran over Necrozma's body.

The creature let out another, more screeching cry. It sank down and its face fell to the ground below. It pressed its hands against the ground, but struggled in vain to force itself back up. It was like its own weight was keeping it down.

The girls, meanwhile, all looked to each other. No words were exchanged, because none were necessary. They all knew that this was their chance to run.

* * *

As they ran through the cave, the girls could hear the monster's cries in the distance. This was followed by the sound of booming thunder, and flashes of light that poured through the holes in the wall.

The girls payed it no mind. As Lana lead the cavalry towards the cave's entrance, they were completely focused on escape. The Lanas all ran behind Lana, giving her the chance to be saved first... And because they were never allowed to move ahead of Lana, lest people mistake Lana for a follower.

Finally, they passed through the mouth of the cave and stepped onto the outside world. They were now bathed in the light of Alola's sun, and met with the fresh, salty sea breeze.

Lana 6 fell to her knees. Lana 4 let out a horrid, gagging wheeze as she tried to force down the lung she was almost puking out. Lana 2 held her burning thighs and let out a small, but exhausted sigh. Lanana had jumped from her master's arms and hopped over to Lana 3, who leaned against a rocky cliff side and let out a heavy sigh.

Lana was fine, of course. She was exhausted and annoyed, but she wasn't showing her exhaustion. Not even a drop of sweat came from her, though this was largely because she had her sweat glands removed.

The girls were all so absorbed in themselves, they almost didn't notice the fat old man that was staring at them.

"Oh! You there!" said the man. "Girls! Is everything alright?"

"Who the fuck are _you_?" Lana said disdainfully.

"I'm the Kahuna with the cojones!" the man said. He threw his head back and let out a big, bellowing laugh. "My name is Hala!"

"Did you come here to watch us run?" 5 asked nervously. "You're not a molester, are you?"

Hala shook his head. "Goodness, no! I just came to see what the ruckus was!"

Lana put her hands on her hips and gave the man her cutest, most sarcastic tone of voice, "Oh, wow, that's so good! Because _we could have used your help five minutes ago_."

Hala stopped laughing. Though he tried to straighten up and keep a serious face, he still had the cracks of a smile on his face.

"What happened?" he questioned.

"While you were waddling your fat ass over here, you mentally-deficient Slowpoke," Lana growled. "We had to escape from an enormous, demonic entity that was trying to kill me."

Lana narrowed her eyes. Not too much, because she didn't want anyone to mistake her for an Asian. "And you were too busy being fat and stupid to show up on time, so I had to handle the problem myself."

The man's expression became more stern now. Though his eyes were closed, he still looked determined to take Lana's words seriously.

"When I saw Tapu Koko fly to the scene, I knew something serious must have been going down."

"T-Tapu Koko?" 3 stammered. "I heard... It was in one of the... the brochures in the hotel lobby..."

Their voice was quiet, almost like they were talking to themselves. But it was loud enough for Lana to hear. She angrily turned back to her minion.

"What the fuck is that, 3?" Lana asked. "I command you to speak."

"Best answer," 2 advised 3. Her voice was soft and sympathetic.

Lana 3 put their hands over their mouth. "Well... Tapu Koko is a is a guardian deity... It's like a legendary Pokemon from Alolan lore."

Lana raised up a hand. "Ugh, so it's an Alola thing."

"You shouldn't have answered," 2 told 3. "You know Lana hates learning about other cultures."

"Now she was assaulted by knowledge and had to learn a fact," 5 added. "It was nice knowing you, 3."

Lana 3 frowned. "Damn it, Lana 5... You suck."

That's right, take our anger out a Lana of lower rank and drawing attention to them. That as how Lanas would avoid the first Lana's wrath.

Hala could read the air. He decided to lighten the mood and keep the conversation going.

"You girls must be pretty special if Tapu Koko came to your aid!"

"No, no, no!" chuckled our leading Lana. "Actually, _I'm_ the only one who's special. Let's just be honest here."

Lana turned to her minions. "See, I'm a good friend. I won't lie to you and make you out to be something you're not. I know you all well enough to know how much you're really worth."

"Thank you for putting us in our place, Lana!" an earnest Lana 5 answered.

"Of course _Lana's_ special, though!" Lana 2 exclaimed. "She's the greatest woman on earth, puppy-kicking notwithstanding."

"She's really good at kicking, though," 3 added.

"Yeah," 2 admitted. "Even though that was mean, I totally admire how far she was able to send that Rockruff flying."

Hala rubbed his chin. "I'm not sure I follow... You're telling me she-"

"You! Swollen man!" Lana declared. "How about you go back in that cave for me, mmkay?"

"Beg yer pardon?" Hala asked her.

"I came to this cave for a reason," Lana explained to him. "I just wanted Roggenrola, so I could attack buildings. You would be doing me a great service if you went back in and caught me some of those rock beasts."

Hala said nothing. The girls all looked to him, waiting for an answer. And after facing Necrozma, all but Lana were worried about yet another confrontation.

"Of course, I don't expect you to do this for free," Lana said.

Lana dug into her pockets. She produced a pink fur-trimmed, spotted Versace wallet, which she then opened up. She produced a few coins, then gently tossed them at Hala. The coins bounced off his belly and fell onto the grass beneath him.

Lana went on, "I know you poor, sad ethnics have never seen this much money, since your people live only to appeal to foreign tourists in order to preserve your irrelevant 'culture' through quirky souvenirs, and therefore don't make enough money to upgrade your mud huts to _real people_ houses. I am nothing if not generous and beautiful."

The man took a couple of steps forward. He was within close range of Lana. And all the other Lanas kept on watching, wondering which one of them would strike first.

Luckily, Hala's response was to just let out a small chuckle and scratched at his belly.

"You've got a lot of heart, kid!" he declared. "How about you use that heart to better yourself?"

"But I'm already perfect," Lana told him. "I'm the paragon, the apex of humanity. There's nothing I can improve on."

Hala smiled, then smacked Lana's back. The girl fell forward into Hala's stomach. This was followed by gasps from every single one of the Lanas sans Lana 4, who was still busy hacking her brains out.

"You've got confidence!" the man laughed. "But you gotta temper that with experience!"

Lana was shaking with rage. She pressed her hands on Hala's stomach and pushed him back. Her eyes with filled with so much fury, so much rage. She hated him. More than she hated Necrozma and white-Hispanics. This man. This man did not know of the fury that he just unleashed onto the world.

He really didn't, because he simply went on, "The Island Trials would be perfect for you! You'll become stronger, learn about Alola's ways, and master the power of Z-Moves!"

"What are Z-Moves?" 2 questioned. "They sound retarded."

Hala smiled. "Far from it, girl. Z-Moves are actually incredibly powerful. Only the most skilled trainers can wield them?"

Lana blinked. "So you're saying that I can attain incredible power?"

"Thought that might interest you," Hala responded. "It always interests the tourists. But yes, doing the Island Challenge's Trials will grant you access to Z-Moves."

Lana's face softened. "Interesting..."

"And you know what?" Hala continued. "The Island Challenge will also teach you about respect, humility, and the bonds between trainer and Pokemon. It's a sacred right of passage for all-"

"Shut it, dough boy," Lana said quickly. "I'm currently brainstorming ways to abuse this power."

"You can't really _abuse_ it," Hala said, frowning. "Come by Iki Town tomorrow, and I'll explain the details to you."

"Yes, good to know," Lana answered. "You may leave us now, island native."

Hala raised his hands, then let them fall to his sides. It was the traditional Alolan way of greeting people, as well as a way to say goodbye to someone. Not that Lana knew what these motions meant.

"Hopefully, I'll see you tomorrow then!" Hala said warmly. "I'll be looking forward to teaching you a lesson."

And with that ominous statement, the man turned on his heel and walked away from the scene. As he walked, he started to hum a tune under his breath. Again, it was something that Lana didn't recognize or care about.

The girls watched as Hala walked away from them. And once the man was out of earshot, the Lanas and Lanana all converged around their master Lana.

"I wouldn't pay too much attention to that old man," 2 said to their leader. "These stupid natives still worship Tiki idols, or something. If they knew how to think like real, normal people, they wouldn't be poor, ugly, and brown."

 _"Obviously,"_ Lana scoffed. "Still, he raises a good point."

"About the Trial?" 3 asked.

"No, about how your flat ass can't fill out any jeans. _Of course_ I meant the Trial, _you fucking horse cunt_."

3 didn't respond with anything but a small, lowly murmur.

"Perhaps I will take part in these Trials," Lana went on. "And then, when I have gained the power of the Alolans, I will use it to wreak my revenge on the fat man. I will use his own culture and customs against him, and remind him that Lana Thorn is superior!."

"You mean...?"

"Yes!" Lana answered with confidence. "Starting tomorrow, the Lanas are going to endure the Island Challenge."

And with those words, Lana had officially started to walk on the path of heroism. She did not know it then, but this one decision would impact all of Alola. She would become the hero that everyone needed.

May God have mercy on their souls.


End file.
